The Time Is Now…

29 April 2015. A date that will mark the beginning of a brand new, exciting journey for our family. The morning that I woke up, and immediately knew everything was different. Something had changed. I was ready.  But, was Jason? Little did I know that he had been ready for a few weeks, but felt that he needed to be patient and wait for me…

But let’s go back a few years, right to the very beginning. You see, adoption is something both Jason and I have always wanted to do. In fact, even before we met, we both felt adoption was something we wanted to do one day. So when we started talking about a possible future together, one of the first topics that came up was kids. And we both made it clear adoption was what we wanted, along with a biological child. And we didn’t know how things would unfold, or the order in which it would happen. We just knew this is what we wanted for our family, that God had placed this desire so strongly on both of our hearts. 

Having been married for almost 6 years, a common question we have been asked is, “so….are you planning on having kids anytime soon?” And we would always answer with our plan to adopt and have a biological child, at some stage, when God opens the doors. 

You see, we have been trying to fall pregnant, off and on, over the last few years. At one stage, we were really trying, taking temperatures, monitoring cycles, counting days, etc. And after many months of disappointment, we decided to remove the pressure we were putting ourselves under. God knows. He knows our hearts. He knows our desires. He knows the plans He has for our lives. And His timing is always perfect. So we stopped all the craziness. And just lived our lives. 

Don’t get me wrong, for me the desire to have a baby was so strong. It wasn’t easy to change my mindset, to be patient, to trust God with this. Especially when family and friends were falling pregnant all around us, having baby number 2 or 3 sometimes, and all I wanted was my one baby. It was hard. There were times that I felt jealous. And angry that everyone else didn’t seem to have a problem falling pregnant. So why couldn’t I? 

But my God is a caring God. He doesn’t want me to hurt, when He is in control of the situation. So after many months of tears and heartache, I started to be alright. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would be a mother one day. 

  
The weeks leading up to 29 April 2015, I could feel things were changing. It all started when I suddenly remembered a dream I had had few years ago. The details of the dream are a whole new blog post altogether. But, in a nutshell, in the dream, I was holding my baby we had adopted. I knew the baby’s name. I knew the baby’s gender. I knew the baby’s race was different to mine. I knew the baby was mine. 

I just couldn’t escape the memory of this dream. And I could feel something changing in my heart. And when I woke up on the morning of Wednesday 29 April 2015, I knew that I knew that I knew we needed to begin the adoption process. And when I spoke to Jason about it, his response was, “Sounds good. I’ve been ready for a while. But I felt like God was saying just wait for Megan. She’ll let you know when she is ready.” {Side note – my husband sure is a keeper!} 

We are so thrilled with life at the moment. The best way for me to try and explain how I am feeling at the moment, is this:

The way I am feeling, the joy, the peace, the excitement…it’s on another level. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I would imagine that this is how I would be feeling if I were looking at a positive pregnancy test. This is how I would be feeling if I had a baby growing in my tummy. For me, though, baby is growing in my heart. And the love I feel for him/her is already a deep, pure, fierce love, like I have never felt before. Now, I am dreaming of the first day I will hold my baby. The first day my baby will smile at me. The first day I hear the word, Mommy, and it’s my baby calling me. 

  
Jason and I have experienced so many firsts together, over the years.  I cannot wait for the lifetime of firsts we will experience with our new baby! 

Megan xoxo

{All photos taken from Pinterest}